Customer Service – Page 2

You mess with my tradition and I’ll break your legs!!!

How many traditions does your family have?

Or maybe, you and your friends have a tradition that you love.

As we are becoming more connected and busier every single day we have less time for traditions.

It’s a very dangerous world we have created for ourselves. We are constantly connected and always doing work or at least thinking about work (or at least I am!).

We value traditions less but we need them more than ever!

I bet in ten years people will be more obese than ever. We order out more often and we want everything delivered, right now.

So, for all of you, who have those little traditions I think you should do anything and everything in your power to keep them.

Even, if they are small traditions. For example, in college every Sunday night, my friends and I would always order food and watch the Sopranos. Those little traditions are what make us happy and is what life is all about.

Whether it’s going to lunch with your girlfriends and then getting your hair and nails done every Friday, going to the gym and grabbing some food afterwards, having breakfast with your friends after a long weekend, playing football Thanksgiving Day or eating dinner with your family every Sunday night; these are the traditions that keep us going.

My family and I have a really nice tradition of visiting my Grandpa at the cemetery every 6 months or so; usually around the holidays. We’ll go on a Sunday morning and then go for breakfast afterwards.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

The cemetery is in Elmont near the Belmont Park Race Track. It’s very easy to not want to wake up early on a Sunday but it comes down to tradition. It’s very important to me and my grandpa deserves all the respect in the world.

The main reason why I admire him and strive to be like him so much can be summed up in one word: Simplicity. (I’ll write more about him one day because we can ALL learn so much from him!)

We always go to this one diner after we visit the cemetery. Recently the diner was sold from Greek owners to Asian owners. Unfortunately, with the change, off went the waitresses with the great Brooklyn accents and the hilarious stories. That’s part of what you buy when you go into a little diner like that. It’s what makes it so quaint.

We decided we’d stick with the diner even with the change in owners and waitresses.

But this past Sunday, something astonishing was going on. There was an Asian woman sitting at the diner counter walking up to the tables and asking people, “If you want DVD?”

I decided I’d investigate and I realized the owner of the diner was endorsing this!!! I almost spilled my chocolate milk all over the place when I realized this.

Is he out of his mind?

This guy, who most likely made the biggest purchase of his life, of buying what was probably his dream, a diner, is now thinking of ways to make more money from existing customers by annoying and interrupting them.

While enjoying a delicious breakfast the last thing any person wants, is having someone solicit them to see if, “They want DVD?” Literally, every single person in the diner was bothered by this. You could see it in everyone’s face as they rudely said, “No,” or just by watching them shake their heads and talk about it with the people at their table.

Clearly, this guy better stop doing this or pretty soon he’s going to have to turn his little diner into a DVD store.

Obviously, for research purposes I decided I was going to act interested. So when the sweet looking, little Asian lady walked over to my table as I was eating my egg white and turkey omelet and said, “Do you want DVD?” I said, “Sure, what you got?”

(FYI: I’m not racist or anything close to that, I’m literally just repeating exactly what happened and how it was said.)

Immediately, she got really excited and for some reason started showing me every possible mob movie ever created; all as I’m eating my breakfast. (I guess I just appear as someone who’d be interested in mob movies.)

You certainly can’t get more of a captive audience than this.

That’s like me being able to walk around a McDonald’s as a 300 pound guy is eating his fifth Big Mac and tell him about MyBodyTutor.com.

Not possible.

The scary part is that the owner thought this was a good idea!

After about 2 minutes, I told the enterprising young lady with all the mob movies, “No thanks.”

What this diner owner was doing is equivalent to me allowing someone to call all of my precious clients and try to sell them stuff!

If anyone tried to do that to my clients, oh mannn, fuhhh-gettt-abouttt-ittt!

I’d break their f#%king legs and make them an offer they couldn’t refuse. It’d be along the lines of, “Do you want life?”

If you know what I mean.

Verizon Wireless – “We Never Started Working For You!”

We’ve all seen Verizon’s commercial with the dorky actor repeating, “Can you hear me now?”

Ironically, for a telecommunications company it’s quite a challenge to get through to an individual. Obviously by design. How do they see this as a benefit to their customers and their bottom line?

Of course, they are the quintessential customer-serving and customer-oriented company.

They certainly love their customers, and definitely convey that attitude to their precious customers.

Like when I just tried to trade in my overpriced Razr for a Treo or one of their other “Blackberry” type devices.

I finally spoke to someone after ten minutes of yelling into my phone and making sure every inflection in my voice was precise for the, yup you guessed, live, human … voice system. No matter how many different scenarios I brought up or how many times I told them I was trying to pay yet even MORE money per month, they wouldn’t accommodate me.

They kept referring back to the contract that I signed about a year ago.

Apparently, I used all of my Verizon luck last year. My old cell phone screen had cracked and my two (2) year contract was going to be ending in 3 months.

I had to literally convince them that not fixing a 21 month old phone that hardly worked (and having to spend $75 to fix it) to spend $400! on a new phone was something they should gladly do for a loyal customer.

I’ve had Verizon since I first had a cell phone my junior year of high school. Apparently, they don’t break rules for great customers like me (pays their bill on time, recommends family members and friends, and isn’t a pain in the ass).

Of course, I educated them about customer retention, acquisition and reminded them of their ever growing attrition and compression rates. They did me a huge favor. I insisted they also give me the notorious $100 credit we all know and love. I told them I’d sign another two (2) year contract.

They agreed. I felt like I defeated the enemy.

John Harrobin (VP of Marketing for Verizon Wireless), I have some questions for you.

When you read that sentence in bold does that make you feel good?

John, I know you know what the lifetime value of a customer means and I’m sure you know how much I’m worth to your company. Right?

According to my LOW calculations I’ve already spent roughly $7700 in my life with you. ($80 / month x 12 x 8 ) Not counting the hundreds, probably thousands, I’ve thrown out in overages.

The (extremely conservative) lifetime value of Adam Gilbert is easily going to be $80,000!!! That’s figuring the rates stay constant and I live until 100. You and I both know only the latter can happen.

Here’s my free advice. There’s no need to hire expensive consultants, run focus groups, or conduct surveys.

Treat your customers the way you’d want someone to treat you.

Don’t make it a challenge for me to try to spend more money per month and become even more dependent on your company.

Rules mean nothing. You bend over backwards to make your customers happy; especially when it’s still highly profitable for you. Even if it’s not. Look at the LTV above. If you have to forfeit a $100, $200, $300, $400 credit to make me happy then do it.

Stop acting like a monopoly. People are starting to switch. I can keep my number.

Your competition is destroying you with much better offers. And very enticing ones. What have you done for me lately?

Offer better phones (and nice work getting the iPhone!). The ones you have are terrible. My Razr has the worst battery I’ve ever had. Fix it. For free! (Why do I have to pay more money to get a battery extender when I was promised my phone would work for countless hours?)

I can go on and on. And so can thousands of your customers.

Listen, John. I don’t want to switch. I’m a loyal a guy. And you shouldn’t want me to switch. But, why do I always have to convince your staff that I’m the loyal customer and that I can go to 5 other different companies with much better phones and prices? Why are you still the most expensive when your competition is killing your prices with better phones?

I think I’m going to switch John. I’m getting sick of this.

Hey John…

Can you hear me now?

Good.

My holiday gift to you: The Secret of Happiness (A Holiday Message)

Today, in honor of this season of giving and joy, I have a special gift for you. It comes not in a light blue box with a fancy ribbon, but in the unadorned text of the message you’re about to read.

It reveals one of the great secrets of marketing, of life, of how to connect with people, and, most of all, how to experience unsurpassed joy any time you wish.

This is my holiday gift to you, a true story that will hopefully touch your heart.

This story is about a father of a disabled child, named Shaya.

This story was originally reported in New York newspapers. It was so touching, it spread like wildfire across the internet, and many began to question, “Did this really happen, or is it just another urban legend?”

Yes, This Story Really Is True.

Well, that’s the amazing part of this story. It is true. In fact, because of all the buzz, a web site called “TruthOrFiction.com” investigated and has reported that, yes, the story is indeed true. It has also been confirmed by a highly respected Rabbi and author, Paysach Krohn of Brooklyn, who says that he personally knows the participants and that every word of the story is true as originally reported.

As I said, the story is about Shaya, a learning disabled boy in Brooklyn.

On weekends, Shaya and his dad like to go for walks. As they do, they like to stop and watch the neighborhood boys play baseball.

On this one Sunday afternoon, as they approached the ball field, Shaya looked up at his father and asked, “Dad, do you think they would let me play?”

Now, this gave Dad a dilemma. He knows his son is learning disabled, very uncoordinated, and has never played baseball before.

But Dad also knows that the neighborhood boys have always treated Shaya with kindness. And he feels that if he, his father, doesn’t speak up for Shaya, who will?

So he walked over to one of the boys and asked, “What do you think about letting Shaya in the game?”

The boy didn’t know what to say, and looked around to his teammates for guidance. Not getting any, he took matters into his own hands. He said, “Well, we’re about to start the eighth inning, and we’re losing by six runs. I don’t think we’re going to win this game, so what’s the difference? Get him a glove and he can play behind second base, in short center field,” which Shaya did with a big smile on his face.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shaya’s team rallied and scored three runs. But they were still losing by three.

In the bottom of the ninth, they rallied again. They had three runners on base, two out, and it was Shaya’s turn to bat.

Dad wondered, will they even let him bat? But without hesitation, one of the boys shouted, “Shaya, you’re up!” and he was handed a bat.

But as he stood at home plate, it was obvious to all that Shaya didn’t even know how to hold the bat, let alone hit with it.

So the pitcher moved in a couple of feet and lobbed the ball very softly so Shaya could at least make contact.

Shaya swung and missed by a wide margin. Before the second pitch, one of Shaya’s teammates called out, “Hold on, let me help him. Let me show him how to bat.”

This boy came and stood behind Shaya, and put his arms around him so the two boys were now holding the bat together.

The pitcher moved in a couple more feet and again lobbed the ball as softly as he could.

The two boys swung the bat together and managed to tap a soft grounder right back toward the pitcher. Shaya’s teammates yelled, “Run, Shaya! Run to first!” And he took off for first.

But the pitcher pounced on the ball in an instant and could easily have thrown Shaya out at first, ending the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and, with obvious intention, threw it on a high arc way over the first baseman’s head, all the way into the outfield.

Shaya was safe at first. The first baseman turned him toward second and said, “Run, Shaya, run to second!”

But by then, the right fielder had chased down the ball and he, too, could have easily thrown Shaya out, at second.

But he understood what the pitcher had done.

So he threw the ball not just over second base, but way over the third baseman’s head, so far that nobody was going to retrieve that ball.

As Shaya chugged into second base, the opposing shortstop ran towards him, turned him towards third base and shouted, “Run, Shaya, run to third!”

Of course, by now the three runners who had been on base had scored. The game was tied, Shaya represented the winning run, and his teammates were screaming with excitement.

As Shaya rounded third base, every boy from his team and several from the team on the field were all running behind him, cheering him home.

And as he put his foot on home plate, both teams gathered around him, lifted him on their shoulders and cheered him as the hero of the game. He had just hit a home run and won the game.

These boys gave Shaya the thrill of his life. Of course, they gave him something even more precious – their acceptance.

The Secret of Happiness…

Obviously, these boys had either been taught, or perhaps had discovered on their own, the greatest secret of human happiness.

And that is…

We experience our moments of purest joy at precisely those moments when we are causing it in others.

It is a truism of life—whatever we give out comes back to us, multiplied. Which brings me back to the beginning of this message…

If you want to experience some genuine joy, all you need do is take a few moments to spread some around.

So maybe it’s time to call an old friend who needs calling, to forgive what needs forgiving, to let a family member hear some healing words, to write that note that needs writing, to smile an accepting smile at the next disabled person you encounter, or perhaps to just relax in the moment with someone older who’d love your undivided attention for a few minutes, as all living things thrive on attention.

Of course, you may ask, what does all this have to do with effective marketing, the usual subject of my blog?

Nothing, really.

And everything.

As Malcolm Forbes was fond of saying, “In all thy getting, get understanding.”

It’s vital for all of us to understand that our prospects and customers are people, too . . . and people like to connect with others who are unafraid of showing a little humanity, of taking some time now and then to share a laugh, feel some warmth, express some sympathy, appreciation and gratitude, do a favor, help a charity, be a friend.

Whatever your product, however impressive your expertise, people will never care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Every now and then, toss a few pebbles of caring into your pond of contacts. Those ripples of friendship will spread and unfailingly return to you in waves of appreciation and loyalty.

Finally, I thank you for being such a loyal reader and let’s make 2007 our best year yet!

Ohhh, now you are going to be nice to me?!

It turns out that being a good doorman and building a great business aren’t so different after all.

A doorman knows everything about our lives. In fact, probably a little too much.

A good doorman actually takes an interest in his customers. He cares about you (his customer). And it’s so easy for him to care because he can see what’s going on in your life.

Think about it. He knows:

What you are doing and where you are going.
Your work hours better than anyone.

Your favorite food and how often you eat it.
If you exercise.

When you go shopping and what you are ordering via mail.
Your friends and family and how often you hang out with them.

Who you are seeing and who you shouldn’t be seeing.

His job is to make your life as easy as possible by helping you solve little problems. Whether it’s holding packages, letting workers up to your apartment, holding doors open for you or whatever the case may be.

If he’s a superstar, he’ll take the time to learn about you, making sure to establish that emotional connection. He’ll go out of his way to greet you in the morning. He’ll run to open the door for you.

He’ll go that extra mile.

He acknowledges you and shows his appreciation and leaves you with a lasting impression as you take on the day.

My doormen have it all wrong. They think the world is owed to them. They are extremely unfriendly and don’t even open the doors. They think tips are just coming to them.

And what does one unhappy tenant do. They go and tell 10 other people. And they also find out if people are having the same issue. (In my case, yes.)

In fact, a good doorman is sincere 365 days a year 24/7 since the day you chose to move in. Sure, we all have our bad moments. You make it up next time, though. You might even apologize. We are all forgiving.

But, all of the sudden my doormen are being extra nice.

When a doorman just expects tips just because he’s a doorman and is being extra nice and it’s holiday time people sense that in .1 seconds. If he really cared about serving people and wanted to make a difference, people would sense that too.

They really would. And they’d appreciate it. And guess what? They’d tell 10 other people how much they love the doorman.

One of my doormen is nice and the rest, usually, seem to almost go out of there way to not acknowledge anyone.

Their job is simple: Open the door for people.

Anyone could be a doorman. What you do after that is what separates you from 99% of the other doormen.

So what am I going to do?

Well, last year I gave all of my doormen very generous tips. I was told that doormen can make your life a lot easier or harder.

Besides one guy, all of my doormen are never nice or go out of their way for me.

There is also this one porter who always runs to the door in the mornings, greets me by my name and always makes that extra effort. Since day one he has been sincere, genuine and customer serving.

This year I’m going to give him the biggest tip. He earns it. He wants it. And more importantly, he’s a super nice guy. His intentions are always to serve the customer (me).

And, I’m going to reward him by giving him my business (or, highest tip).

All I want from my other doormen is some effort. After all, what am I tipping them for? Show some effort. Give me the, “Good morning Adam! I hope you have a wonderful day!” That’s all I want. Is that so hard?

For some odd reason going that extra mile is too hard for most people.

To all my chairmen that read this. Yes, chairmen. Not doormen.

Good morning. I hope you enjoyed this post and have a wonderful day!

It’s amazing what people won’t do

Why do people wait 5 minutes for a spot that is only 1 minute closer to their destination?

In our get it now, need it now society, convenience plays a huge role in our lives. Companies have wisely responded with all sorts of free delivery policies and incentives.

In the city of New York, delivery has become expected. If you don’t deliver (and deliver for free) you are a dinosaur.

It’s astounding what people pay for convenience.

Room service is a service that makes money charging people for service to their room. Supermarkets in the city charge you a premium to deliver your just purchased goods.

Fresh Direct is a business built on convenience. They charge you a turkey sandwich and a frank for wanting groceries delivered to your door. Franks anyway, I think it’s a rip off.

But, people love it. People are lazy. People don’t want to move. And people don’t want to be bothered picking out their own fresh veggies.

I always thought the coolest thing about NYC was the fact that you could get McDonald’s delivered. What a McTreat!

How can you sell your products more conveniently to your customers?

If your customers are online be there. If they aren’t; find where they are. Then be there.

Marketing has become convenient marketing.

Make it as convenient as possible for your customer’s to buy from you. As soon as it’s annoying and, well, inconvenient, the purchase will be aborted.

Whatever you’re selling you must make it as easy as cake for your precious customers to get what they want from you. Any extra clutter is going to divert people.

You’re in business to serve people. Whatever product/service/idea you’re selling! Your number one priority should be to serve those people like they are family. You are nothing without them. Write this down:

I am nothing without my precious customers!

As a loyal reader to my blog (and I thank you!), I wouldn’t practice what I write about unless I made my posts easily accessible. The more convenient it is for you to get my posts, and the more choices you have to access my posts, the happier you will be. (Hopefully!)

3 ways you can read my blog:

Continue to check my blog every 35 seconds for new posts
Subscribe to my blog and get new posts in your RSS reader
Or, subscribe for email updates and get an email directly in your inbox with the freshly baked, warm, gooey inside, chocolate melting new post. (“Mmmm!, that sounds delicious, how do I do that?”)

On the right side of my blog, after you scroll down a smidgen, you’ll see a box. Just enter your email address, click subscribe and you’ll get an email confirming your subscription. Open the email and activate your subscription.

That’s it.

And just in case you are hesitant, I’d never rent, sell, or share your email address with anyone.

And never is a strong word. But, that’s because I am nothing without my precious customers!

Give me all your money but wait in line!

It’s astonishing to me! Every rat in NYC (future blog post) only has a window of 4 hours to get to the bank. I’d say 10AM – 2PM are the prime hours.

You would think a great, customer-serving NOT self-serving organization would say to their employees, associates, owners in the business, whatever you want to call them:

“We are in business for our customers. Without them we are nothing. We need their money. Without their money we won’t be in business. We must collect as much money as possible while also keeping our customers as happy as possible. We want them to keep their money with us. Not our competition.”

The brilliant CEO would then say, “Okay, this makes a lot of sense. We are going to make it so easy for people to deposit money and/or talk with a bank teller so they can do whatever it is they have to. We don’t want them standing in line long enough to catch 5 stock quotes on CNBC. From now on, every bank teller has no breaks between the hours of 10AM-2PM. We want people in and out. Quick and painless. The less time they are in our bank, the happier our customers are, allowing us to collect even more money!”

So simple right? In fact, I might even go as far as hiring extra people, if possible, for those 4 hours.

My Citibank has at least 20 bank teller windows. God forbid, they utilized even 50% of them. Instead, they had 2 people (unhappy people, needless to say, because of all the extra work due to the lunch rush hour) handle a line of no less than 30 people.

It wouldn’t make sense to be open after business hours or on the weekends, would it? I know of one bank that does that.

They are obviously in business to serve their customers as best as they possibly can.

I think I’m going to switch. Anything is possible.