Category: Marketing

The anatomy of a buzz…This is exactly why HBO is HBO. If you give people a reason to talk then they will talk!

I can’t (and everyone I know) can’t stop talking about the finale last night.

I believe Tony was killed.

In fact, the ending was genius if you’ve paid attention to the show.

Here’s why:

In the last scene there were 3 people in the restaurant who had a reason to kill Tony.

In one of the earlier seasons two black guys were paid to kill Tony. Obviously they didn’t succeed and he was only shot in the ear. These two guys were in the restaurant.

Also, in an earlier season we met Nikki Leotardo. Well, the trucker who was sitting at the barstool (the camera kept focusing on him) is Nikki Leotardo, Phil Leotardo’s nephew.

In one of the early seasons Phil, Nikki and Tony have a sit down.

Here is where the genius comes in.

When Tony is walking in the diner (you see the camera focus on him) then it switches to his perspective and you see him looking at the booth he is going to sit at.

Then the camera switches back to Tony’s face. Then it once again switches to his perspective and it shows him looking at the door and him looking and the people coming in.

Every time the door opens the chimes sound.

Carmela walks in…chimes sound.

AJ walks in…chimes sound.

While Meadow is attempting to parallel park the camera switches back to the trucker who goes in the bathroom.

Then it skips to a scene where Meadow finally parks and starts running in the diner.

The door is about to open and Tony looks up…

and No Chimes…

No Music…

Everything just goes black.

In one of the early episodes of the Sopranos Tony is talking with Bobby about what it must feel like to die.

Bobby says, “At the end, you probably don’t hear anything, everything just
goes black.”

That scene was revisited in the second to last episode during the last seconds when Tony is about to go to sleep and he flashes back to the memory of him and Bobby on the boat…”You probably don’t hear anything everything just goes black.”

So in the last few seconds of the show (while the Journey song was playing) the chimes on the door sounded but when Meadow came in, the guy in the trucker hat came out of the bathroom and killed Tony.

The reason you don’t hear anything when he died was because it was from his perspective and everything went black and then the credits rolled.

Actually, I have no idea if I’m right. I believe David Chase wanted to leave it up to us to interpret how life goes on (or not) for Tony and his family.

I’m going to ask Terence Winter, one of the writers and executive producers of the Sopranos, and ask him for his opinion and I’ll update this post with his answer. And if you haven’t read my interview with Terry please check it out. It’s very cool.

UPDATED 11:58PM TUESDAY NIGHT:

Hey Adam:

Unfortunately David Chase has specifically requested that none of us discuss the finale; he’d rather let the show speak for itself. What follows, however, is an article by Alan Sepinwall from the New Jersey Star Ledger in which he interviews David. As always, it was great seeing your mom – talk to you soon.

-Terry

Who knew that the music of Journey could be used so ironically? At the end of an otherwise satisfying “Sopranos” series finale, creator David Chase threw one final curveball at his audience. In his first episode as both writer and director since the series pilot, Chase sent Tony to a family dinner at Holsten’s ice cream parlor in Bloomfield. Many previous seasons had ended on a Soprano family tableau — A.J. even quoted something Tony said at Vesuvio back in the season one finale — but this one was edited to seem far more ominous.

As the sounds of Steve Perry wailing on “Don’t Stop Believing” filled the soundtrack, Tony kept eyeing the door and the other patrons as first Carmela, then A.J. arrived, while we spent an interminable amount of time watching Meadow double park. The camera kept focusing on a shady-looking character at the bar with more than a passing resemblance to the late Eugene Pontecorvo (down to the Member’s Only jacket) who was studying Tony, but then his advance on Tony turned out to be a trip to the men’s room. Meadow finally
parked, dashed towards Holsten’s, the camera cut back to Tony in close-up looking at something, Perry sang the words “Don’t stop,” and…

… nothing. No hint of whether Tony was looking at Meadow or something else entirely (perhaps the feds coming to arrest him after Carlo Gervasi apparently flipped), no music of any kind, just a fast cut to black and then the closing credits playing out in complete silence.

Whether you were waiting for one of the more popular predicted endings — Tony in Witness Protection, Tony killed by Phil’s guys, Furio and/or the Russian coming back for revenge, what have you — or just for (ITAL)an ending(ITAL), period, chances are that cut to black had you pulling a William Shatner in “Wrath of Khan,” pointing your face at the heavens and bellowing,”CHAAAAASE!!!!!!”

And yet the finale, both the first 55 minutes of it and that sadistic last scene, fit perfectly with everything Chase has done on this show before.

Did we get the violent fireworks of last week? Absolutely not, as the only deaths of the hour were Phil Leotardo (gunned down at a gas station, then, in a gruesome indignity, his skull crushed post-mortem by his rolling car) and A.J.’s SUV (which caught fire while idling near a pile of leaves). But that’s been the pattern of every season: the major action goes in the penultimate episode, while the finale is saved for quiet reflection and the odd whacking or two.

So Tony and Butchie DeConcini negotiated a peace treaty — with the tacit understanding that Tony’s guys could eliminate the out-of-control Phil — a third of the way through the episode, and the bulk of the hour focused on Tony’s lower-case family.

Janice faced life without Bacala (and a lifetime of torment for Bobby’s kids), and once again invoked the name and memory of Livia Soprano, going about in pity for herself. Janice and Tony each visited Junior in the run-down state facility he was banished to when his cash ran out, but Corrado didn’t recognize them.

Meadow planned her wedding to Patrick Parisi and badly wounded Tony (without realizing it) by telling him that she decided to quit med school and become a lawyer because of her relationship to him.

And in the episode’s centerpiece — and the origin of its title, “Made in America” — A.J. continued his political awakening, only to have Tony and Carmela seduce him back into the same comfortably numb existence he used to have.

When some of the guests at Bacala’s wake started discussing “American Idol” and “Dreamgirls,” A.J. harangued them for focusing on entertainment fluff.

“The world. Don’t you see it?” he complained, then later said, “It’s like America. This is still where people come to make it. It’s a beautiful idea. And then what do they get? Bling and come-ons for (stuff) they don’t need and can’t afford?” He talked of enlisting in the Army, though he wavered on whether it was to make the world a better place or just to get a job as Donald Trump’s personal chopper pilot.

Yet by episode’s end, A.J. had abandoned his newfound morality in favor of a shiny BMW, a job as the “development executive” for Little Carmine’s movie company and his parents’ promise of his own nightclub to follow.

From the start, Chase has used “The Sopranos” as an indictment of modern American values and how, time after time, we all sacrifice principle in favor of self-interest. Maybe A.J. had achieved enlightenment or maybe not. But Tony and Carmela couldn’t have their little boy risking his own life in the military (they
wanted him to get the discipline without the risk), so they anesthetized him back into the materialistic lifestyle they understand so well. This is what America makes today, Chase seemed to be saying: permissive, selfish parents and kids who mimic them.

Back to that final scene. Without it, we have a completely reasonable finale, one that provides closure on enough plot threads (the war with New York ends, Paulie is promoted to the captaincy of the Family’s lucrative construction business, A.J. finds new direction, etc.) that the few left open (notably whether Carlo flipped and what the means, legally, for Tony) don’t particularly
sting. It’s the “life goes on” ending I’d been speculating on for months.

But then, but then, but then… then Chase has to do what he loves to do more than any other man in show business: completely mess with his viewers’ expectations (and their heads). I don’t consider it a cliffhanger, something to set up a movie, as I doubt there will ever be a movie (and if there is, it’ll be set in the past). He did it because he hates the conventions of TV series narrative in general, and putting a bow on things in particular.

That’s why the Russian never came back, why the Melfi rape plotline was dismissed with a single word (“No”), why none of the FBI’s previous rats ever amounted to anything, etc. He’s convinced the audience doesn’t need to be spoon-fed, to the point where he might go for a non-ending like this, something so jarring, so abrupt and so filled with misdirection (my guess is there was no danger at all, that Tony was simply watching Meadow’s entrance) that it might
come across like an insult to the audience who have stuck with the show through thick and thin.

Somehow, though, it feels like the perfect final note. Why wouldn’t a show that’s taken such pleasure in rewriting the rules of storytelling — from making a sociopathic thug its hero on down — go out in the least conventional way possible? It may be maddening, but it’s what David Chase does.

Some other thoughts on “Made in America”:

-A theory proposed by a reader of the NJ.com Sopranos blog using the handle Lorbnash: the nine episodes of this season have represented the nine circles of Hell from Dante’s “The Divine Comedy.” The fourth circle, for instance, is for the greedy and the miserly; the fourth episode was Tony and Hesh’s gambling showdown.

The seventh circle is where the suicides go; A.J. took his dip in the family pool in episode seven. The ninth circle is for the traitors, and Butchie implicitly betrayed Phil. (For added fun, reader Joe Adler pointed out the similarities between the Eugene Delacroix painting “The Barque of Dante” and the Annie Leibovitz promotional image on the season five DVD set. Google them both if you want your mind blown.)

-Lots of surrogates and callbacks throughout. Junior confuses Janice and Livia (and Janice and Nica). Tony uses A.J.’s shrink (a leggy, coolly professional woman in the Lorraine Bracco mode) as a Melfi stand-in. A.J. quotes Livia’s “Always with the drama,” and later Tony’s line from the season one finale. Paulie believes the cat from the safehouse has some supernatural connection to Christopher and also notes the bad history of the captains in charge of Jersey
construction (though he left out Jimmy “The Rat” Altieri).

-Another “Whatever happened to Gary Cooper?” moment: the tour bus drives through Little Italy while the guide explains how the thriving neighborhood is now essentially a single block of shops and cafes — so tiny that, when Butchie gets too wrapped up in a phone call to Phil, he wanders out of Little Italy altogether.

-Who knew Agent Harris had such a dark side? He’s conducting an affair with his counterpart at the Brooklyn field office, and he’s actively rooting for Tony to take out Phil.

Thanks Terry!

P.S. If you have friends and love the Sopranos you’ll love Terry’s new movie, Brooklyn Rules, starring Jerry Ferrara (Entourage), Alec Baldwin, Scott Caan, Mena Suvari and Freddie Prinze Jr.

I saw it opening night and it was absolutely awesome!

I was in sunny Florida a few weeks ago and I had a truly remarkable restaurant experience. It was so remarkable that I feel compelled to, well, remark on it…

I love Florida and I love my adorable Grandma but the one thing I can’t stand is eating dinner at 5:00 P.M. But it was my Grandma’s 84th birthday and we took her to a “special” Italian restaurant bright and early!

It was so special my cousins, from Delray Beach, came to town for the festivities. No matter how much I complain about eating at 5, somehow, I’m always starving.

My Grandma runs a very tight hotel. No sleeping past 8 A.M. No A/C unless it’s 95 degrees, either. But, I’ll wake up to a freshly cooked breakfast every morning.

My Grandma will then personally deliver lunch to the pool at 11:30 A.M. sharp. By 5:00 P.M., after a long day of sun bathing and reading, beating a few old timers in shuffle board and chatting with the yentas, it’s safe to say, I’m famished.

So it was my Grandma’s big day and as soon as we arrived we sat down because, of course, we had a reservation. (I didn’t think you needed a reservation for such an early time but the scene was hot!)

Ruth, Mildred, Barbara, Leonard, and Ester were all there.

After I ordered my meal, my hilarious cousin tells me that our waitress is going to start singing. “Just wait, this place is going to go crazy,” he says. I laughed as I thought he was kidding, as usual.

I looked around and I saw a keyboard in the back corner. The place was packed. “Cousin Al, are you serious?”

“Yes, yes…just wait. You’ll see what I mean kiddo! You think I’m kidding. These old ladies are going to be dancing with you on tables soon…you’ll see!”

Not even 15 minutes went by and our sweet waitress grabbed a microphone as some lady sitting at a table quickly got into her keyboard position.

Before you know it our waitress was now singing for the entire dining room. “Um, excuse me, my, uh, lemon water?” Forget about it. Our waitress turned into Barbara Streisand.

I have never seen anything like this. She was now going around to different tables. It was highly entertaining and a lot of fun!

Then the pianist was feeling a little feisty and began singing and decided to take matters into her own hands (or vice versa). She went straight for me and wanted me to (no, forced me to!) see and feel what she was working with.

Nick and Josephine Femia, owners of Verdi’s, must have read a book or two on marketing. This is brilliant.

Serving great food is not enough to get people (older people, especially) to drive 25 minutes out of their way. They decided to give free entertainment at no extra charge. This gets people talking! And yentas love to talk.

Not only are they getting delicious food but they are getting entertainment.

This place must get amazing word of mouth. Verdi’s from day one, (from what I’ve heard – pool gossip, of course) decided to be a purple cow. They didn’t want to be just another Italian restaurant in Fort Lauderdale serving early bird specials. Besides, do you want to be just “another…,” either?

And you thought the early bird special only included a salad and dessert?

What in the world am I talking about? You know. The super comfy clothes that you dream about as you’re wearing your high heels and skirt or your uncomfortable dress shoes and suit.

Do you have one Uniform; go to clothes that are always worn? Or, do you have a bunch of Uniforms that are interchangeable?

These are the clothes that feel like butter on your skin and make you appreciate the small things in life.

After all, that is what it’s all about. Is it not?

Some dream of putting on their big comfy sweat pants and favorite big comfy sweatshirt while others prefer the more risqué look of shorts and a wifebeater (tank top for my older readers).

Whatever it might be, it makes you feel incredible. In fact, the thought of your favorite Uniform might even make you smile and give you chills.

Donald Trump, I heard ALWAYS wears suits. What kind of person ALWAYS wears suits?

I wonder what George Bush wears when he is just lampin’? Sometimes, you’ll see him in his jeans and flannel with his cowboy hat. But, he knows he’ll be seen in that. So, that’s not REALLY his Uniform.

It’s kind of interesting to think about “the Uniform” of some very famous and prominent people in this world.

I think you can tell a lot about a person depending on his/her Uniform.

What if we all had to wear our Uniforms to work every day? We are, after all, in the era of self-expression.

I bet it would be pretty shocking.

When I start hiring employees for my company (which happens to be going incredibly well) I just made the decision, right now, this second, that everyone will be able to wear their Uniform to work.

Today could not be more of a perfect day to hang out in your uniform and watch your favorite movies with your favorite people.

So, when you get home from work or school, I hope you enjoy your uniform and when you smile in utter bliss, you can think about me and my lil’ blog post…about Uniforms.

Can you imagine “W” prances around in leggings and a wifebeater? Or, Bill Gates rocks out in mesh shorts and a hoody? Or, Hillary Clinton lamps in a football jersey and warm up pants?

Think about your favorite Uniform.

Now, smile.

Happy Friday!

Red Velvet ropes for all my non New York readers (and I am delighted there are many!) are those stupid looking, 1 ” diameter foam like tubing with some sort of fake velvet material on them, attached to shiny metal poles about 3 feet high, to create the look and feel of prestige.

Usually you’ll see them outside lounges or clubs. But, don’t fret, you can find them in your local bank as well.

Do you really think Red Velvet Ropes work? Subconsciously, do we want to get into the place that the Red Velvet Ropes are guarding more? Is it a case of the classic “I want what I can’t have” conundrum?

I don’t know. But, we’re going to try to answer that.

For anyone that’s heard me joke about lounge/club names (happens to be great marketing because I’m joking about it as opposed to not saying anything) you’ve heard about my love for the name “Twizzler” for a club. I was eating a piece of licorice (chocolate and frozen = heaven) one day and it hit me.

“Twizzler would be a great name for a club, no?” Everyone laughed. Secretly everyone dug it. My friends would always ask me if we were going to Twizzler and it became an inside joke.

So we have Twizzler, our fake obnoxiously overpriced night club being defended by the following:

Your big, bad bouncer: This guy is about 400 pounds, looks like Andre the Giant (usually a black version but occasionally white) and miraculously has some sort of stylish flair to him.

Your typical gorgeous girl: Usually in very close proximity to the former NFL player is this creature that runs the show. This girl is always guaranteed to have a body any girl would kill for and a face to match. These girls ALL have very robust attitudes and a cocky swag.

Male in ultra trendy outfit: Chasing the model around, you’ll always find this guy. These are the guys that do all of the guerilla marketing for Twizzler. You’ll get text messages, emails, phone calls, post cards, birthday cards, letters, IM’s, business cards, windshield flyers, you name it. These guys hustle and I respect it. I did the same for my old businesses (Bingcoupons.com and MyUDC.com). Typically, “Male in ultra trendy outfit” is a scum bag but there are a few good guys out there.

Bright lights: These blinding lights although not always used are a secret weapon. Makes the entrance of Twizzler look like the red carpet and causes people passing by in cars to look. One of the drawbacks is that I can now see how much make up the “typical gorgeous girl is wearing.”

Lots and lots of people: Without this everything falls apart. If all of these people are inside then there is no need for everything above. If there are too many people outside then everything above has even more “power.”

Very cold or very warm people that have to go the bathroom: This is the glitch in the entire system. See without the “very cold or very warm people that have to go the bathroom” Twizzler will go out of business. This is also where that “power” comes from.

“Male in ultra trendy outfit, Your typical gorgeous girl, and Your big, bad bouncer” get all of their “power” because “people just wanting to have some fun” actually don’t really care where they go as long as they are with their friends. They really are just too cold or too hot and have to go the bathroom so they don’t leave.

The nightclub industry could technically be destroyed by portable bathrooms outside establishments like Twizzler. However, smart club owners realized this so they installed “heat lamps.”

Heat lamps: Many girls and guys dress the same all year round so they don’t have to bother with the hassle of checking their coat. “Heat lamps” make it almost impossible for someone to leave because they aren’t cold anymore, even causing people to forget they had to go the bathroom.

So, that’s the line of defense and the planned or unplanned marketing that goes into making these nightclubs hotspots.

I became friendly with the manager at one of my favorite restaurants in all of New York City. He taught me a very valuable lesson. I can’t tell you the name of the restaurant because a) it’s way too small and the wait is already ridiculously long and b) I don’t want to have to deal with you if you don’t think it’s worth the wait.

“Bobby (real name) it’s time to make this place bigger no? These are the best hamburgers in NYC by far! Every time I come here I’m waiting 45 minutes for a freakin’ burger! Open up a few more locations!”

I’ll never forget his words, “Adam, we sell intimacy. If there was never a line, people wouldn’t want to eat here as badly. There’s always people waiting to be seated and it creates a feeling of intimacy, almost exclusivity.”

Now Bobby has been the manager there for 30+ years. That’s wisdom I love hearing. He is exactly right.

It’s the ordeal and process that makes the food that much better. The anticipation of that first juicy bite only gets stronger as the delicious smell radiates throughout.

But, the food is that good! You can’t do that if your food tastes like crap. You have to have a remarkable product. Knowing that you have to wait no matter who you are is also refreshing.

Unlike restaurants, nightclubs favor females although their male counterparts are usually the ones footing the bill.

Now, back to our original question; do you really think Red Velvet Ropes work?

I think Bobby told us the answer. It’s the intimacy and exclusivity that, maybe, we do want. However, if the restaurant or nightclub is garbage then we’ll never wait on line again. If we have the time of our life or meal of our life, there’s a good chance we’ll be back.

Fortunately for restaurants, a delicious hamburger never gets old. And even Bobby let’s VIP in without waiting.

Evidently, Mayor Bloomberg and I have more in common than our love for serving people.

(I sat next to Bloomy last time I was there.)

“Yea how ya doin’? It’s Jonny from the Bronx. Long time, first time!” You have to say that with a real Brooklyn accent though. Go. Say it again. You might even smile.

“Yeaaaa how yeaaa doinnn’? It’s Jonnnyyy Boombottsss from da Bronx. Long time fan, first time caller!”

For those of you who think I may have lost it; I partially have. I don’t really sleep anymore. Not because I’m working all night, although, my hours are way worse than your typical corporate rat. (I’m not complaining though. I love every single second of my day!)

I just can’t sleep anymore.

I can’t sleep anymore because I’m so f@#%in’ excited about MyBodyTutor.com. People are believing in me and giving me the opportunity to do what I love doing: Helping them realize their body’s full potential.

If you’re a reader of my blog you may have some love for me. Yeah…I knew I felt a connection with you. We have a little something going on here, don’t we?

So, you know I wouldn’t have left my job to pursue something I didn’t believe in 1000%.

The most rewarding thing about all of this is my clients absolutely love the lifestyle I am teaching them. They are amazed at how sustainable and easy to follow it is. Most importantly, they love my program and are seeing results! That’s the KEY.

If you have a few extra pounds to shed I’m asking you to give me a shot. I believe in my program so much that I offer a 100% money back guarantee.

It’s truly hard to not write about MyBodyTutor when it consumes my life and I truly believe in it as much as Howard Shultz believed in Starbucks when it was only 6 stores.

I always love getting email saying, “Adam, long time fan, first time…!”

So, if you enjoy my writing check out MyBodyTutor’s blog. It’s MyBodyTutor.blogspot.com.

See you there.

A typical entertaining GuruGilbert.com post is on deck…

This post is inspired by a true story that happened to me while I was taking a random elective in college. I told this story during my final presentation and I earned an A for it.

Just the other day, I was strolling and passed a psychic center and then not more than five minutes after that was a woman sitting on a chair outside offering palm readings. I respectfully declined, as she continued to inhale her cigarette.

It made me think, of course. There are so many businesses out there that really do nothing but prey on people’s emotions. Diet pills or “miracle” pills, beauty spas, hair clubs, money schemes to name just a few. Countless businesses are making tons of money taking advantage of people’s vulnerabilities.

That’s not for me to judge. As long as you can sleep at night then all power to you.

But, how good can you really feel at the end of the day? Are you really having a positive impact on society? Are you making the world a better place?

Forever, I’ll always look at the big business of being a physic as nonsense. Well, maybe…

I was a freshman in college and I had signed up for an elective because I needed to satisfy a certain letter in order to graduate. I don’t recall the letter but the class was called Death & Dying.

It turns out Death & Dying was one of the most interesting classes I took at school. Not only was my teacher the most eccentric person I have ever met but the inner searching and probing that I was forced to do was incredible. I might even say life changing.

As time flew by and the end of the semester was rapidly approaching I found out my final exam was going to be an oral presentation. I forget exactly what it was but somehow I convinced my professor to let me go to a psychic.

I always wanted to see what it was all about so finally I had my chance. How this was acceptable as my final presentation still boggles my mind.

We had a break and I remember going home excited for my visit to the psychic. I had envisioned that behind this blinking, tacky, out of place, red sign was a very mysterious woman that knew how my life was going to turn out. You know with that music; like out of the movies. I created this whole big fantasy and it made me psyched to see her.

I made my appointment for a psychic in Oyster Bay (close to my house, at the time) for a Wednesday at 8:00 P.M.

My mom thought I was crazy and I left my house and got there at 8:00 P.M on the dot. Not late. Not early. Right on the dot and I was pumped.

I wasn’t early because I believe I was caught up in a great episode of Who Wants To be a Millionaire? when Regis still was hosting.

I parked my car and began to knock on the door at 8:02 P.M. No answer. “Okay she’s getting ready. The candles, the music, the crystal ball, everything,” I thought.

No answer.

I began to knock again. But this time, louder.

No answer.

“Okay Adam, maybe she’s finishing up with a client or something.”

I began to knock quicker and louder with a little desperation this time. Like one of those open the door now! knocks because I have to go the bathroom or else.

“Okay, I know she’ll come to the door, give it a few seconds!” Finally, I heard, “Give me a minute! I’ll be right there!”

The voice wasn’t what I expected though. It wasn’t that mysterious, sexy voice I imagined it would be.

Finally, some older lady opens the door. “Hello?” “Hi, I’m Adam Gilbert. I have an 8:00 appointment with Barbara.” The lady looks at me with a surprised stare, “Um, Barbara left for the night. She didn’t think you were coming.”

I was crushed. All of my dreams and hopes of speaking to a psychic were gone in an instant. “What do you mean she didn’t THINK I was coming?”

“I’m Sorry. Do you want to reschedule?”

Immediately I replied, “No. Isn’t she a psychic? She should’ve known I was coming. I wasn’t even late!”

The lady smirked and closed the door.

Thanks to Barbara, from that moment on, I was a close minded clown when it came to believing in psychics’ abilities. Not only that, but I was screwed because I had nothing for my final presentation.

I decided I was going to tell the story of how and why I can prove psychics are phony. This psychic wasn’t even good enough to know and think I was going to be there?!?!

So, after 2 minutes and 20 seconds I made the entire class laugh with my story and real life proof that psychics are phonies. Unfortunately, I was 7 minutes and 40 seconds short of the 10 minute requirement.

Barbara left me hangin’. Barbara also ruined it for me. I always wanted to believe in psychics. I thought it was amazing that some people might be able to use more of their brain or mind or something. But she ruined it for me!

(People want to and need to believe. Kids want to believe Santa is real. People want to believe their cab driver going 80 MPH is a trained professional. People want to believe their deli guy making the sandwich without gloves cleans his hands every 10 minutes. People want to believe that the $80,000 Porsche Cayenne is a superior car. (Did you know that the Cayenne and the $36,000 VW Touareg are virtually the same vehicle, made in the same factory?) People want to believe $125 Pumas (actual cost is $3 in China) are worth it. People want and need to believe!)

Barbara. I know you are out there. Make me a believer again. Leave a comment on my blog. C’mon. You know how much business you’d get if you actually left a comment on my blog? That would be the best marketing in the world!

Barbara! You’d be on every talk show in America. Imagine it.

“I had this feeling that this Guru named Gilbert had this great blog and I just thought his latest post was going to be about me. And I was right! I inherently knew it was GuruGilbert.com because I am, well, a psychic.”

Barbara, I’ll become your marketing guy and manager. You’ll have your own TV show.

You’d make more money than you ever thought possible!

(But, you can’t tell anyone that you never thought you’d be on all of these talk shows and so wildly successful!)

This post is inspired by a true story. It happened to me last Saturday morning when I was on the LIRR all excited to get my stitches removed.

I was sitting on the 2 seat side. And next to me, on the 3 seat side, were your typical grandparents from Florida. I over heard them talking about how they couldn’t wait to get back to Florida. I’m not nosy. See the cute, wrinkly, old couple, was very hard of hearing.

I was sitting there entrenched in the book I was reading, finishing up my Turkey Sandwich on Whole Wheat bread. But, as I was crunching down on my pickle (love a good crunchy pickle) waiting for the train to start, some guy in a big trench coat…

(You know how on most trains they have the metal things on the back of the seat in front of you to keep your ticket. Well, some people put their tickets in the metal thing before the train starts even moving.)

…was walking down the aisles and evidently stealing unused train tickets if the people weren’t paying attention. Most people are paying attention to their book, newspaper, conversation or pickle. On this day, Grandpa had his ticket up in the metal holder. Luckily, I didn’t.

Grandpa, who appeared to be reading the paper, some how, noticed this clever crook take his unused ticket in the metal thing. As the crook was briskly walking away Grandpa immediately gets up and runs up to the crook and screams, “Hey! Give me my ticket back!”

Remember, Grandpa is hard of hearing. While every person on that car almost had a heart attack because of how loud he was, the crook was stunned. He was shocked that Grandpa had noticed. In a split second the crook decided to give Grandpa back his ticket and run off the train.

Grandpa, in his cute Grandpa outfit, walked back feeling and looking like he was on top of the world. “That sun of a gun was going to steal our tickets!” Everyone quickly realized what just happened as they saw the brief but LOUD confrontation. The crook wasn’t able to steal tickets on our particular car because Mr. Grandpa was in the way.

Worried Grandma asked Grandpa, “Hun, hun. What happened? Are you okay?” Grandpa says, “Yeah, it’s okay now! That bastard was trying to steal tickets! But I stopped him! Good thing I noticed!”

Everyone applauded Grandpa on the train. And he ate it up. Smiling and smirking he couldn’t get enough of it. Remember – Grandpa and Grandma are hard of hearing so everything they say, 3 rows of seats in either way, can hear them.

30 minutes in to the train ride, Grandma looks at Grandpa who is very fidgety and says, “Hun! What’s the matter? Are you okay?” Old Man Grandpa says, “Yes. Yes. Ya know, maybe, I should’ve punched that sucker out!”

I almost fell off of my chair when I heard that.

Old Man Grandpa was on top of the world and felt like a genius because he caught that Sun of a gun! No one gets by Grandpa. But Grandpa can’t punch anyone.

With the way he felt, maybe he could’ve.

Moral of the story:

Don’t leave your tickets in those metal things anymore.

And if you can make your customer feel like a genius, you win!

For example, Home Depot had a great commercial with a guy hanging up a picture frame and after hammering in the nail, he says, “Man, I’m some sort of home improvement genius!”

Google won because there were early internet users and late adopters. The late adopters at some point decided and realized that the internet was here to stay and had to learn what it was all about. My grandma would ask me, “How do I find something?”

“What do you mean Grandma?”

“I want to look for different things on the web,” she’d reply.

“Grandma, type Google.com in your web browser. At the very top of your screen. Replace the Aol.com with Google.com and then hit enter on your keyboard. Then, type in whatever your heart desires in to Google. See that space to type things in?”

5 minutes later I’d always get the, “Adam, you’re a computer genius!”

Now, who doesn’t like to feel like a genius?

So, what did Grandma do?…wait for it…yup, she told all of her friends about Google. And just like that it spread. Why? Because my Grandma was now going to be the new computer genius in sunny Florida.

Make your customer feel powerful, smart, influential or like an expert, and you win. And who doesn’t like to win (besides the Patriots)?

AM I RIGHT GRANDMA?

(Her eyes. You know.)

I see this sign every morning walking to work and I always snicker.

It doesn’t make sense and it should be fixed.

Why would I want to eat at the busiest breakfast place in all of New York City?

Who even awarded them with the title of ‘busiest place’ in NYC? And what were they before being the ‘busiest and best breakfast place in NYC’?

Do you want to eat at the busiest breakfast spot in all of NYC?

I don’t.

Is the door constantly opening or is the door always open because there is a line outside the door?

Are my eggs going to be cooked in 5 seconds or 35 minutes?

Is my toast going to be burnt or just be bread?

Is my waitress going to be insanely stressed or do I tell my order to a robot?

“Listen, I don’t really care what you order just say it NOW! Say it quick and let’s go. Move it or lose it hunny. Look at how many people are in here. Just look. Look at the line out the door. It’s a circus. Oh boy, 86 on the bacon. Now what do you want? Or else I need to go to the next table. Let’s go. Quick!”

I’m kind of intimidated just thinking about it.

That’s terrible marketing. Why should I care if it’s the busiest place in NYC?

This is another great example of the ego-centric nature of most marketing. The sign is about the owner, not about the prospect.

Here’s how I’d make the sign:

Voted by our loyal customers as their favorite breakfast spot in NYC with their wallets each and every morning! Don’t believe us? If you aren’t satisfied, breakfast is on us!

(Notice it’s not self-proclaimed and the confidence they (should) have in their product.)

I won’t even start with their claim of being the “best” breakfast place in NYC.

And the irony of it all; I’ve never seen a line of people waiting to be seated.

Check please.

Want to win $10.00? Be the first person to comment telling me what restaurant window this sign is in. If you are right, then I’ll simply email you asking for your address and mail you a check for $10.00. Don’t believe me? Try me!

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