My Top 17 Posts of 2009!

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I can’t believe it’s the end of 2009 already. Last year, I did a post with all of your favorites so I figured I’d keep the tradition going.

This has been a very thrilling year for many reasons but mostly because of the birth of my nephew, Landon. He is a pure joy.

Professional wise was exciting as well! MBT continues to grow steadily. Although MBT has only been open for 3 years now (not much to compare to) I know if we were able to grow this past year, we’re well poised for future growth.

MBT was also featured on a number of very popular blogs as well as Good Morning America. For not having a PR person and relying strictly on word of mouth, I’m delighted with our progress.

Anyway, here are your favorite posts based on comments, tweets and mostly emails.

Let’s get to it!

1. Creating anticipating will help your happiness and productivity! I explore how creating short term incentives can boost your productivity and happiness.

2. Have too many passions? Some people are lucky and have more than one passion. How do you know which one to go after? I explore that in this post.

3. Inspiration and motivation are very different. I believe if you’re not highly motivated, inspiration might be exactly what you need.

4. Does being vulnerable in a relationship actually lead to the demise of the relationship? We’re intrigued by the unknown. I think there’s big paradox at play here.

5. Get rich quick schemes and lose 30 pounds in 3 day plans don’t exist! If it seems too good to be true, it is! This type of short term thinking really holds you back.

6. I’m a jokester at heart. I love a good prank. I also love some good banter. A great litmus test for how close you are with someone is how much you can tease one another.

7. Do we marry our parents? I’m convinced that who we are attracted to is determined by our relationship with our parents and how they treat us.

8. Do dumb people really exist? I argue that dumb people don’t exist. They are just disguised as people who really don’t care about what they’re doing.

9. I wonder if how much we gamble in love correlates to how much we gamble in life in general.

10. This is one of the most personal posts I’ve written. My mom celebrated her 60th birthday this year. She means the world to me. Between that, and my sister becoming a mom, I’ve become extremely nostalgic.

11. In this post, I explore why I’ll probably never write a bestselling diet book. 10 % of USA Today bestsellers are diet books. People truly enjoy buying diet books because it provides an instant boost of hope. It’s like buying a lottery ticket. We buy the ticket for the feeling we get between when we pay the $1 and when we find out we lost.

12. Is your ego getting in your way? Oh man! How egos get in the way in so many little and big ways. How many times a day are you actually just defending your ego? Think about that for a second.

13. How to get and give advice. What kind of advice do you really want? Ask yourself this before you ask for advice.

14. The worst word in the English language. So many people think the answer to all of their problems is more: more things, more money, more toys, etc. I absolutely disagree! What we really want is closer than we think.

15. Maturity. This is a topic I’ve been thinking a lot about. What makes someone mature? Does having shit happen to you make you more mature?

16. Entrepreneurship is not all it’s cracked up to be. So many people believe starting a business is the solution to their problems. Starting a business should be something you have to do! Not something you want to do.

17. The interior decorator problem. Knowing what you want is the key to getting it. So many people have no idea what they want. I explore ways to help you figure out what it is you might want.

As always, thank you for reading my blog!

I have a lot of fun (and hopefully interesting) posts planned for 2010.

Have a happy, healthy and fit New Year and I’ll see you in 2010 ready to go!

The Happiness Project – Why Happiness is Cool and Why You Should Buy the Book (Plus a Fun Chance to Win the Book!)

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I did it all for the happiness!

Almost 3 years ago, I quit my full time job to pursue my passions of health and fitness, writing and helping people and married it with entrepreneurship to make myself happier.

It worked! (In fact, helping people get the body they want never gets old!)

However, one of the most worrisome sentiments I hear from clients, is that for some reason, many feel guilty pursuing their health and fitness goals. They feel as though it’s selfish and self-centered as they should be focused on their spouse and/or kids.

As I practice a very holistic approach with my clients, I learn about other areas of their life too. Sadly, many feel the same way about pursuing other interests as well.

When there is disconnect between our desires and actions, unhappiness ensues. And if we’re unhappy, we’ll be way more likely to eat emotionally.

However, for many people, being out of shape is what is making them unhappy! And even after having identified the problem, many people still feel guilty for making time to exercise and to prepare healthy meals.

Here’s why Gretchen Rubin’s, The Happiness Project is so important: She has made it cool to pursue your happiness! If it’s going to make you happy, you should invest in yourself because…

One of her 4 splendid truths is: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself. (That’s worth reading again. Don’t let the simplicity of it mask its brilliance.)

Gretchen eloquently encourages us to pursue our own happiness project as she has done so herself. I’ve been a huge fan of her blog for more 2 years now!

Why?

Well, who doesn’t want to be happier? One of the reasons why I am such a health and fitness fanatic is because in 4th grade I discovered how great exercising and eating right made me feel. This is why I’ve made this my life’s work.

To me, happiness and fitness equals one in the same. They go hand in hand.

However, we all know this! We all know the transformative potential of eating right and exercising.

A lack of knowledge (for the most part) isn’t the problem. The real problem is a lack of consistent action. Actually doing it!

Sadly, most people don’t want to change. Instead they rather read blogs and books and buy ridiculous exercise videos and contraptions that make them feel like they’re changing.

Let’s face it. If it were easy to change, people would do it! (It’s the accountability and the pushing and the coaching and the guidance and the inspiration and the daily expectations that help the change occur.)

However, there are many things we do (and don’t do) that affect our happiness significantly that don’t require all that much effort or change and Gretchen has extensively researched all of this for us.

I’ve read a few of her other books and she is maniacal with research. But, she has an incredible ability to synthesize complex ideas and readings into very bite size and juicy nuggets.

Rubin has proven to me, as I’m a long time follower; it is possible to change your life in many areas, without actually changing your life.

I must confess. Just writing that sentence makes me uneasy. Last night I was watching a ‘random’ person on an infomercial tout an exercise product that “was so easy, she didn’t feel like she was exercising!” Then I watched another one (I’m fascinated by them) with a woman preaching, “You can truly eat whatever you want and still lose weight!”

Finally, last Friday 20-20 had a segment about trick photography in the diet and weight loss industry which made me even sicker.

Sadly all of this makes people believe real change is possible without any real change. It’s not! If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten!

However, and I say this very carefully, Gretchen actually provides extremely actionable tips that don’t require all that much change. For example, an extra hour of sleep can do more for your happiness than a $60,000 raise!

The Happiness Project might be one of the few things you can read that changes your life – without really changing it.

So why do I care if you buy this book? Well, I truly and sincerely believe that if you read it, it’ll make you happier. And that’s exactly why I do what I do. Because I know that when you feel and look as good as you can, you’re more productive, confident, energized, and of course, happier!

And helping people become happier is sure one heck of a way to become happier yourself!

***If you’d like to win a copy of The Happiness Project tell me in the comments your happiest memory. I’ll pick the winner and I’ll mail you the book. We’ll make Sunday the 20th at 2 P.M EST the cut off. Check back here for updates!

[Update: Book Winner. Thanks for your comments. I enjoyed reading all of your happiest memories! Unfortunately, there can only be one winner and it was a very tough decision. I’m going to pick Michelle because I loved the simplicity of it and also that it was different from the other 3 entries. I wish I could send you all a book but I only have one copy. Michelle, if you can email me at GuruGilbert at yahoo dot com with your address, I’ll mail the book out to you tomorrow. Thanks, guys! 🙂 ]

Tiger Woods Business is Nobody’s Damn Business!

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Here’s the thing: Tiger Woods business isn’t anybody’s business! However, Tiger Woods wouldn’t be Tiger Woods, if no one cared about his business!

There in lies the juxtaposition so many celebrities face. “Just leave me alone. I want my privacy!” they plead.

Many professional athletes have sympathy for Woods, too.

NFL football player, Jason Taylor, of the Miami Dolphins was in the locker room and saw ESPN running a tease about Woods. He reached up and turned off the TV. “Nobody’s damned business,” Taylor said.

Do you really want people to not care about your business Tiger (or Jason)? The reason why athletes and celebrities get mega-endorsement deals is because so many people are so emotionally invested in them. So many people do care about them and their business.

If Tiger endorses Nike and uses their clubs (or gets them used on him) then I want to use them. If he puts his name on it, he must believe in it. And if he believes in it, it must be good enough for me the conventional thinking goes. If I love rapper 50 Cent then why shouldn’t I drink his Formula 50 beverage or buy Britney Spears perfume?

Growing up when I thought the NBA was a legitimate career option, I idolized Michael Jordan. I drank Gatorade, got his sneakers and wore Air Jordan clothes. I tried to look, dress and act like him when I played basketball because I wanted to be like him.

That’s why companies pay gazillions of dollars to celebrities. People emulate highly successful people. They buy and do what highly successful people tell them to do because they aspire to be like them.

Companies only spend the bazillions because it works. Want to know if an infomercial product is selling? If you keep seeing the commercial over and over it’s working!

No one cares about the worst players. And if no one cares about your business, no company is going to want you to endorse their products.

So embrace it Tiger. You certainly can’t fight it at this point!

Ironically, one of my post popular posts “Why you shouldn’t hit the snooze button ever again, according to Tiger Woods“, includes an interesting nugget from him.

He said, “The greatest thing about tomorrow is, I will be better than I am today. And that’s how I look at my life. I will be better as a golfer, I will be better as a person, I will be better as a father, I will be a better husband, I will be better as a friend. That’s the beauty of tomorrow. There is no such thing as a setback. The lessons I learn today I will apply tomorrow, and I will be better.”

15 ideas for you to survive (and thrive) this Thanksgiving!

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Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Nothing like a good meal, great company and some football!

It’s impossible to be thankful and unhappy at the same time. The two emotions cannot coexist. Thankfulness magically gets rid of every other non-happy emotion there is.

However, for anyone who values their health and fitness, Thanksgiving can be the start of a downward spiral.

Here’s 15 ideas for you to use this Thursday so you can remain on point:

1. Your life isn’t a Normal Rockwell painting

We all have preconceived notions on how Thanksgiving should be. We can’t choose our family so you might as well make the best of it, right? Try lowering your expectations. The less you are disappointed, the more you are likely to appreciate and enjoy the day.

Example, for the first time in my life (at least I don’t remember the first 4 years of it) my father and mom are going to be at the same Thanksgiving table.

This is going to be extremely awkward for my sister and me. As anxious as we are, I’m trying to go into it with no expectations.

2. Wear your best belt and your tightest pants

It’s a lot easier to stop eating when you know you’re full. One telltale clue is when your clothes and belt starts telling you. Sounds obvious, but stopping when you’re full is probably one of the harder things to do at the Thanksgiving table when everyone else is helping themselves to seconds and thirds.

It will be easier to stop if you wear very tight pants because then you’ll have to push away from the table when you’re stuffed. You’ll just be too uncomfortable otherwise.

3. Save your calories for dinner

If you want to be a great guest and enjoy the meal the most, skip the hors d’oeuvres. A good basic rule-of-thumb is don’t eat anything that doesn’t require a knife and fork.

4. Always hold a drink and a napkin

Do you really need an appetizer before a huge meal? You can’t control what your gracious host does, but you can control yourself. Make it harder to reach for something by holding a glass in one hand (preferably filled with water) and a napkin in the other.

5. To drink or not to drink?

Is alcohol a trigger? Our irrational mind tends to get a lot louder after a few drinks. Alcoholic drinks are not only loaded with calories (especially the sweet drinks and the eggnogs!) but they are likely to lower your inhibitions and might trigger you to eat more than you really want to.

6. Don’t talk politics

My mom is very intense about politics. My mom can go from extremely calm to extremely angry in less time than it takes to break a wish bone. If someone says something that annoys you – let it go! If you’re annoyed, you’re more likely to overeat.

7. Focus on the special stuff

Don’t waste your calories on large portions of food you can eat everyday. Limit the variety you have. Let’s make a rule: Only two items on your plate at any one time. Having a lot of different items on your plate stimulates your appetite.

8. Is it worth it?

Ask yourself, “Is this really worth it” before you dig in. Many times, we’re just eating food simply because it’s available.

9. Don’t make a diet fopaux

Just like you wouldn’t wear every accessory you own at the same time, you don’t need to go heavy on the sauces, gravy, dressings, etc. Less is more!

10. Small seconds are better than big firsts

Some people show their love through food. Research on memory shows that your Aunt Grace won’t remember how much you take, but she’ll remember if you liked it enough to take seconds, especially, if you announce it.

Try taking a little bit of Aunt Grace’s ‘famous’ mashed potatoes. Tell her how great they are. Then go back for seconds and say something like, “Aunt Grace, your mashies are so good I’m taking seconds!” She’ll be really happy…and your body will be really happy too because you’ll actually be eating less even though you’re going in for round two.

11. Slow down!

Seriously! Slow down. Pretend you’re a NY Times food critic. Really taste each and every bite. Put your fork and knife down. Take a sip of water. Engage in conversation. There’s no rush.

12. Forget the post dinner snacks

We won’t starve if we skip the late night turkey sandwich. This is a great time to focus on the family and not on the food. Besides, are you really hungry? Most likely, you’re just bored.

13. Plan activities

The holidays aren’t only about food, are they? They are about enjoying each other’s company, having fun and laughter! How about planning a fun activity?

A football game, a big game of monopoly, or how about that game where you have to guess the word while receiving clues? You can’t say the actual word though. And there’s a timer. Got it! Catchphrase!  (See what I did there?) All these can be tons of fun.

14. Come out of the closet

Eat whatever you like but only out in the open. No sneaking.

15. Perfection doesn’t exist

Most importantly, and this is somewhat counterintuitive, don’t sweat it if you make a dietary mistake or two or three. We all will. And we’ll have the other 364 days to do it right!

Just like any other day, Thanksgiving will have its ups and downs too. There is no perfect day much less perfect Thanksgiving.

As always, if you’re consistent with your diet (and exercise) for the other 364 days you should be in great shape. If you’re not, I guarantee it’s because you’re not staying consistent with your diet and/or exercise. You might want to consider giving yourself – or someone else – the gift of MBT.

Finally, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for reading both of my blogs! Enjoy your family and friends and, of course, have a happy, healthy and fit Thanksgiving!

The all NEW MyBodyTutor.com blog!

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First the blog: MyBodyTutor.com/blog

Now the back-story:

For over 2 years, I’ve written a daily inspiration each morning for my clients.

I write about all sorts of topics ranging from emotional eating to mindless eating to psychology to exercise to happiness. And they’ve only been available to my clients…until now!

So, why am I making them available to everyone now?

3 reasons:

1. As corny as it sounds, I want to leave a legacy. I want to help and impact as many people as I can. I want to spread the goodness. I want to make a lasting contribution in the field of health and fitness because it’s something I’ve been so passionate about for so long (since I was in 4th grade).

Fewer things are more rewarding than helping people realize their health and fitness goals because when you look good, you feel good. And life’s too short to not feel as good as you can!

2. Because my clients aren’t paying me for daily inspirations. What they are paying for is daily and personal accountability, support, coaching, guidance and motivation, long with a proven program that works. GUARANTEED!

The daily inspirations are only a tiny part of the equation. Besides, I’m confident in this day and age, a lack of knowledge isn’t the problem. If anything, it’s too much information!

For the most part, we all know what to do. (Sure, we’ll tell you exactly what to do in order to reach your goal and give you all sorts of tricks and tips along the way.) But the real magic happens in actually doing it day in and day out.

The problem we all have (unless you’re in great shape) is a lack of consistent action. Getting into your desired shape is about 3 things. Eating right. Exercising. And doing those two things consistently. That’s it!

It’s the consistency part that’s so hard though. And that’s what I truly believe MBT is the best in the world at: Helping you stay consistent: meal by meal, workout by workout, and day by day.

3. Some people’s egos are just too big!

I hate to say it but it’s true.

The first and most important step to getting into your desired shape (besides admitting that you aren’t) is being able to admit that you need some help.

No matter what, some people just can’t ask. It’s just not in their DNA. And having to pay for help? Forget about it!

No matter how affordable we make this program for what we offer (we’ll be with you every single day to make sure you’re doing the right thing in the kitchen and in the gym!) and how risk free it is, some people just can’t do it.

Instead, they rather jog in place, month after month, year after year. (“Okay starting tomorrow, I’ll…” which quickly becomes next Monday, then next week, then next month, then your next New Year’s Resolution…over and over again.)

So, I’m really excited about this because now my audience expands. And that’s totally fine by me! I want to help as many people as I can. I live for this!

Regardless, I guarantee if you read my blog each day you’ll be healthier, fitter and happier. You’ll be far better off reading my blog than not reading it. Try it. See how you feel.

Don’t want to miss a beat? Neither do 1100+ other people! (As of Tuesday 11/10/09)

Subscribe for FREE and get them delivered warm and fresh to your inbox whenever there’s a new post.

I don’t say this lightly. I really and truly believe you’ll enjoy them, especially if you enjoy this blog and are interested in health, fitness and wellness.

Business will remain as usual here, on this blog, and although my posting frequency has been sporadic as of late I’ll be back to posting once a week. (To all of those who’ve emailed me asking why I haven’t been posting regularly, I appreciate it.)

While I’m on the self-promotion train, and because you can now get almost anything delivered, why not get a free subscription to GuruGilbert as well?

Thanks, as always, for reading!

The Interior Decorator Problem

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9 months ago, I wrote a post about which passion you should pursue; if you’re lucky and have more than one.

But what if you don’t know what your passion is? Actually, forget that. What if you don’t know what you really want out of your life?

How will you ever get it? You won’t because you have no idea what you’re even pursuing.

I call this the “Interior Decorator Problem”. If you know your style and your likes and dislikes why pay someone to decorate your own home? People pay interior decorators when they have no idea what they want or like. (Or, they just don’t want to be bothered with decorating their house.)

I think many of us have the “Interior Decorator Problem” and are running around like organic chickens with our heads cut off.

Let me explain: When I’m working with my clients I try to find out their core motivation. I want to know why they really want to get in shape.

How about an aspiring entrepreneur? Whenever I get requests for advice (which I love) I’m curious to know why they really want to start the business in the first place.

If it’s not to solve a problem they have or because they feel they must start this business my advice usually is to not bother starting it at all. Because if it’s based on money, not only will they get bored, but there’s an even deeper reason why they want the money, that could be obtained without starting a business, which I’ve said before is only something you should do if you’re nuts.

However, once you know what you want, it’s so much easier to work backwards, and actually make it happen.

Many people believe that feeling guilty after eating something that’s unhealthy is ridiculous. If you want it – just eat it, they say. But can you really control guilt?

I think guilt comes from knowing that your actions (say, eating crap) aren’t in alignment with what you really want (say, weight loss, a flat stomach, more energy, looking good in jeans, etc.). In fact, when there is a disconnect between our actions and desires unhappiness will ensue.

I believe we all know exactly what we want when it comes to our health and fitness goals. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want to be healthy and fit nor someone who doesn’t have a dream vision of themselves.

It’s just that fear, excuses, rationalizations and justifications by our short term self convince our long term self we don’t want it when it comes to our health and fitness.

(That’s why self-aware people are the most successful. They don’t delude themselves into believing they’re taking action when they’re really not. Or, that they need don’t help when they clearly do.)

But health and fitness is one thing. Figuring out what to do with your life (one of the 3 questions we all have to try to answer) is another.

So working backwards again, maybe if you feel guilty or sick to your stomach, you know for sure that’s not what you want do with your life.

And knowing what you don’t want is certainly a key to finding out what you do want.

It takes a lot of focus to achieve anything worth achieving. But it’s so easy to lose focus if you’re not 100% certain that’s what you want.

Chances are if you’re not putting forth the effort, you don’t want what you thought you wanted. (I believe what we all want out of life, if you don’t have it already, is a lot closer than most people realize.)

But like all human beings we waver. We teeter. We jog in place.

All while reaching for more.

My Story of Greek God at Binghamton University (Part 3/3)

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After I hung up my SAE underwear junior year, I immediately began looking forward to the day I could start helping the next guy in my fraternity prepare. I guess it’s the teacher in me.

I waited and waited. Finally, I got my wish! It’s been 5 years since anyone has competed for SAE at Binghamton so I was very excited when Petar emailed me in May asking for help with a huge goal of losing (what turned out to be) 35 pounds and competing in Greek God.

Although I’ve never met him in person (and I still haven’t) I was eager to help because not only do I love helping people realize their body’s full potential but I also know how overwhelming getting prepared for Greek God actually is.

The thought of having to stand on stage in front of 3000+ people in your underwear is enough to make anyone sick and with the added tasks of creating sets and skits and, uh, school work – it’s enough to make anyone go crazy.

So for 5 months, I treated him like a regular client. At first, he was worried that we weren’t working together in person. I assured him it’s never stopped me from helping anyone. (It actually helps!)

I felt like I was reliving my days of prep for Greek God especially as we got closer to October. In fact, I actually enjoyed the training more so than I did the actual event.

For a hot minute in high school, I wanted to be a bodybuilder but when I learned that professional bodybuilders are drug addicts that dream dissipated as quickly as their muscles deflate when they’re off steroids. I always loved the lifestyle though.

When we’d talk on the phone for our weekly chats, it was as if nothing changed. The rumors of who was taking steroids were in full force as was the realization that some competitors were and have taken diuretics. Petar was worried that he was at a major disadvantage.

I felt his pain because it’s very easy to get caught up in the buzz that surrounds Greek God. But it’s also important to remember that it’s only one night and he was smart enough to know this.

I told him not to worry about the other competitors. That he could only control what he does in terms of how hard he trains and how well he eats. That’s it. I assured him that not only is it obvious who takes steroids but it doesn’t look good either. He agreed whole heartedly.

But again, the frustrations and fear don’t go away.

In the end, Petar was an amazing and gracious student. I mean, look at his before and after photos! (And in case you’re wondering that’s self-tanner in the after picture.) He went from 220 pounds and husky to 185 pounds and absolutely shredded.

He also has an experience he will never ever forget and neither will I. I got way more out of helping him than he did.

I just hope it’s not another 5 years before someone represents SAE.

I have nothing left to say about Greek God.

Except:

Petar IS Greek God!

What Makes Us Happy? What Are the Keys to Living a Good Life? (I’ll tell you!)

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Some might argue, the ultimate question, we’re all trying to figure out is what will make us happy? After all, everything we do is in the pursuit of happiness, right?

You could even argue that someone who acts altruistically is making them self happy too. But even so, what if there was a formula for living a good life. Would you follow it?

Well, George Vaillant has been trying to figure out this very answer as the longtime director of one of the most extensive projects in history. Known as the Grant Study researchers tracked the lives of 268 men who entered Harvard College in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age for 72 years!

And for the first time he’s granted access to what he thinks are the “keys to Fort Knox”. Most undertakings like the Grant Study falter because the funders expect results too quickly. W.T. Grant was no exception. After holding on for about a decade he gave in too.

Lucky for us, as a young man, George Vaillant fell in love with the longitudinal method of research, which tracks relatively small samples over long periods of time – so when he came across the Grant Study he wanted in. “To be able to study lives in such depth, over so many decades,” he said, “it was like looking through the Mount Palomar telescope,” then the most powerful in the world.

The findings of the project have made their way into a 17 page fascinating article in the June issue of The Atlantic which has been getting a lot of much deserved attention. The article offers profound insight into the human condition which I’ve become fascinated by.

I’ll share what I found to be the most interesting nuggets:

Vaillant’s central question is not how much or how little trouble these men met, but rather precisely how – and to what effect – they responded to that trouble. His main interpretive lens has been the psychoanalytic metaphor of “adaptations” or “defense mechanisms”.

We have unconscious thoughts and behaviors that can either shape or distort our reality – depending on whether we approve or disapprove of it.

By age 50, almost a third of the men in the study had at one time or another met Vaillant’s criteria for mental illness. Underneath the tweed jackets of these Harvard elites beat troubled hearts.

What is mental illness anyway? Vaillant believes much of what is described as mental illness is the use of unwise deployment of defense mechanisms. If we use defenses well, we are deemed mentally healthy, conscientious, funny, creative and altruistic. Yet, if we use them inappropriately we’re deemed misfits by society and mentally ill.

Essentially, everything we do in life is trying to adapt to what happens and that’s what determines our ability to live a good life.

Defenses are a basic biological process.  They can either save or ruin us. When we cut ourselves, for example, our blood clots – which is an involuntary response that maintains our homeostasis. Similarly, when we encounter a challenge large or small such as a parent’s death or a broken shoelace – our defenses float us through the emotional swamp.

4 Categories of defenses, starting with the most unhealthy:

“Psychotic adaptations” – like paranoia, hallucination or megalomania can make reality tolerable for the person – but seem crazy to everyone else.

“Immature adaptations” – which include acting out, passive aggression, hypochondria, projection and fantasy. These aren’t as isolating as psychotic adaptations but they impede intimacy.

“Neurotic defenses” – are common in “normal” people.  These include intellectualization (mutating the primal stuff of life into objects of formal thought), dissociation (intense, often brief, removal from one’s feelings), and repression – which can involve naiveté, and memory lapse.

The healthiest are “mature adaptations” – which include altruism, humor, anticipation, suppression (a conscious decision to postpone attention to an impulse or conflict, to be addressed at a later time) and sublimation (finding outlets for feelings, like putting aggression into sport, or lust in courtship).

Many of the “psychotic” adaptations are common in toddlers and the “immature” adaptations are essential in later childhood, and they often fade with maturity (hopefully).

Humans when confronted with irritants engage in unconscious but often creative behavior although sometimes the creative behavior can be destructive.

7 major factors that predict healthy aging, both physically and psychologically:

Continue reading “What Makes Us Happy? What Are the Keys to Living a Good Life? (I’ll tell you!)”

My Story of Greek God at Binghamton University (Part 2/3)

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“Gilbert you’re up!” yelled one of the Alpha Epsilon Phi girls. As I approached the stage my heart was pounding like crazy. All I heard was “Gil IS Greek God! Gil IS Greek God!”

I’ll never forget the deafening noise and the blinding lights as I walked up the stairs on to the stage. I had my pose down memorized inside and out. I was focused.

Just the night before, I was prancing around, in one of the gross third floor bathrooms of Newing’s Broome Hall, trying to figure out the best way to shave my legs. Apparently, all of the contestants shaved their legs. Too bad I had no idea how to. I called up the girl that was running Greek God and asked her how. She was absolutely meticulous in how she ran the event.

After all, the real purpose of the event is to raise money for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation. Not to have college fraternity guys pose in their underwear.

But when I called her it didn’t go over as well as I had hoped. Although she laughed hysterically – she didn’t really appreciate my lack of preparation. I was on my own.

So, I was kneeling down ready to begin my pose down staring at my tanned feet with all eyes on me. As if being thrown into Greek God 3 weeks prior, competing against juniors and seniors as a sophomore, having an awful experience shaving my legs the night before and building all the sets that morning wasn’t enough – the wrong music started playing!

To say my one and only Greek God outing was underwhelming is an understatement or was it?

Flash forward to my junior year of college. My boys and I came back from the summer extremely excited for the year to come. We were now upperclassmen living in the fraternity house feeling pretty confident.

Until, 4 weeks before Greek God when my boys and I were talking about how fun it would be if we had a contestant. Before you know it, we were on the phone with every fraternity president and contestant asking if they had a problem if I competed again. Apparently, competing 2 years in a row is not allowed. Like Bloomberg though, I was in business. Again.

The diet, the exercise, the tanning, the rumors and the procrastination all started once more. Evidently some fraternities take Greek God extremely seriously. Which, I’m sure, puts a lot of pressure on the actual contestant to look good. After all, it’s expensive to participate. It’s also a chance for lesser known fraternities to make a name for themselves. But c’mon – it’s also only one freakin’ night!

As a lifelong fitness freak (not safe for work – watch the last 5 seconds of the clip), I’ve gradually added muscle throughout the years.

However, it wasn’t until my junior and senior year of high school when I became absolutely obsessed because I finally had access to a gym whenever I wanted being that I was able to drive. My mom always wondered why I ate the way I did and I’d always have to explain to her that I didn’t want to take drugs. For her own peace of mind, she had me tested for any and all steroids which I was totally cool with because I no longer had to explain my eating.

I always knew, somehow, I’d end up doing something in health and fitness so I’ve had her or my sister take pictures of me once a year to document my progress. As ridiculous as that sounds (and believe me they let me know) I only did it because I take great pride in being able to say the only things I’ve ever taken were protein shakes and protein bars. And not that I think I’m this (Greek) God because I certainly don’t. However, I always laugh when I see people who gain 35 pounds of muscle very quickly. Sure, that’s natural bro!

So, I took it as a compliment when in the weeks before Greek God both my sophomore and junior year, people would ask me if I was taking steroids. And although it was slightly annoying it made me laugh because I’ve truly been a fitness freak since I was in 4th grade. How would they know that though? While most kids were getting ready for school in the mornings probably eating Fruity Pebbles, I was working out in my room, a make shift gym.

Although my life is way more than protein shakes and protein bars now, it’s still a part of me. In college, steroids were certainly available. It’s pretty obvious who took them. But the good stuff – the stuff that sticks – takes the longest to gain but is actually sustainable and always lasts.

In the end, Greek God my junior year turned out to be awesome. My toga skit was fun as was my formal wear skit. And, as always, the part I trained the most for was the pose down (see picture above).

Unfortunately, no one in my fraternity has competed since my junior year of college. That’s like 5 years!

But a few months ago I got an email from Petar (yes, Petar) that he is doing it for SAE this year and that he’d love some help.

Petar has been an extremely gracious student and a lot of fun to work with.

I’ll say no more. Except:

Petar IS…

My Story of Greek God at Binghamton University (Part 1)

greek-god-soph-year2

It was a gorgeous October day of my junior year of high school. I got home from school and decided it was time to start looking through the two books I had on colleges. I knew of Binghamton and how it was a great public school but didn’t really know much else. I flipped through one of the books until I got to the few pages on Binghamton.

I saw under special events that every October there was an annual sorority/fraternity bodybuilding event sponsored by the sorority Alpha Epsilon Phi. Destiny? I was intrigued! It was called Greek God.

A few paragraphs down I saw that the tuition per year was a little less than $10k. They also had a great business school. The choice became so clear right then and there.

Spend in 1 year what my entire Binghamton education would cost elsewhere or go to Binghamton. In my mind, I was going to Binghamton.

My senior year, I applied to the business school early admission…

Binghamton it was.

Fast forward 1 year to the beginning of my first semester freshman year of college. I remember going into one of the two huge gyms and seeing the entire place packed out on that Saturday evening. The music was bumping. The bleachers from floor to ceiling were all pulled out. What looked like at least 8 basketball courts in between all the bleachers, were covered with paper to protect the floor from the hundreds of folding seats on top of it. There was a huge stage with balloons all around it. The fraternities were going nuts and the sorority girls were screaming.

And for some reason, I was nervous. Even though I wasn’t in a fraternity (pledging didn’t start until the second semester) I knew I was going to do this one day. Posing in front of 3000+ fraternity/sorority members in my underwear seemed very intimidating.

I had time though. People only do it once in their college career. I figured I’d do it either my junior or senior year.

Fast forward 11 months and 1 week. I pledged the fraternity Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) and my pledge brothers and I were all so excited to reap the benefits of actually being in the fraternity, not servicing it as a pledge! In Binghamton, most students live on campus for 2 years and off for 2. My friends and I had worked it out so we were near each other. It was going to be awesome.

An older frat brother was set to do it for us. He had been training hard all summer long and was looking real good. In what could’ve been a made for TV movie, he broke his arm.

Not only are shirtless line ups uncomfortable while you pledge but for someone who is as obsessed with their health and fitness as I am – torture ensued.  Being forced to eat mayo and drink oil were common punishments. Of course, it was all in good fun though. Most of it was brought on by me anyway because I can be a wise ass.

So, I got the call. “Gilbert, you’re doing Greek God. You don’t have a choice.”

Great!  I had 3 weeks to prepare for what every other contestant had been preparing months and months for. And unfortunately, the Greek God competition is only 1/3 body building. There is a toga skit where the contestant must be brought out on a chariot (that was to be built by the fraternity – to demonstrate our team work – ha!) and then a formal wear skit. In essence, it was a talent competition with only 1/3 of it being a 60 second pose down.

Three problems: My fraternity didn’t really care about Greek God, in terms of helping me build the sets and the chariot. And I didn’t really care all that much about the other parts of the competition.

And I lived in the dorms which meant I didn’t have access to a kitchen. I had to rely on dining hall food which was barely edible. For 3 full weeks, my entire hall had to endure my (illegal) usage of the good ol’ faithful George Foreman grill while I stunk up the floor.

As health and fitness has been my passion since I was in 4th grade, I was lucky in that I was in good shape. But I had to take my body to the next level in 3 weeks. Thankfully, I was born for this. (Although later I realized I enjoyed the training way more than I did the actual competition.)

Other fraternities took Greek God extremely (and way too) seriously. My favorite part of doing Greek God my sophomore year was probably waking up early on the Saturday of Greek God to build my chariot (that’s what you’re looking at above. It’s a boxing ring. And I was Rocky!) with one or two other helpful brothers. Of course, other fraternities had theirs built for months.

Don’t get me wrong. They were there to support me like crazy during the competition. While other fraternities screamed their representative’s name is Greek God, it was awesome to hear my friends scream mine.

Hearing  “Gil is Greek God” being yelled with all of their hearts as I was getting ready for my pose down back stage was a feeling and an experience I’ll never forget…